I recently chatted with a Hong Kong mom who is planning on homeschooling her son. She told me all her friends disapproved of her plan and tried to dissuade her. These differences of opinions, she said, have driven a wedge between her and her friends and alienated them for good.
I wondered why an innocent question as how one educates one’s own children could become such a divisive issue among friends here in Hong Kong. It seems to me people should be entitled to their own opinions as it’s, after all, a personal choice that does not affect anyone else. Back in the states when I told people I homeschooled, although I would meet with reactions like, “Wow! How noble! But that is not for me” or “Can you really do that?” I had never met anyone who was downright offended by my choice to homeschool. It was something that did not concern them.
I began to realize that in Hong Kong conformity is expected, and when you decide to step out of the status quo, you’re declaring yourself a rebel, an iconoclast against the system and the powers-that-be. While all this may not directly impact your friends, you’re also voicing the opinion that all is not right with the world, and that putting your children on the conveyor belt may not be the best for them. It bursts your friends’ bubbles about themselves, their children, and their families, and calls them to question their own values. Dangerous thought, this homeschooling idea is.
I have met with many raised eyebrows here in Hong Kong—even from “friends” and associates. They all make it their business to tell me it’s “illegal” to homeschool. It’s as if they will not be happy until everyone else does what they do by putting their kids in the school system. Perhaps it’s a matter of well-intentioned ignorance, but I think it’s more than that. It’s a herd mentality that frowns upon individuality and freedom of choice. It’s saying, “I’m stuck going at ten miles an hour; you should be too.”
Here in Hong Kong, you not only need a little gumption to defy the system, you also need an appetite for throwing off your friends and would-be friends and going it alone. What a wild ride we are having!
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Sometimes I think the concept of homeschooling can make one feel threatened. In my church, when I share that I am homeschooling, some moms edge back a bit, and feel the burden and need to give me a long list of reasons why they cannot homeschool (as if I am judging them for not homeschooling). Or they will give me a list of why their school is better than homeschooling. It's as if in the simple statement "I'm homeschooling," I'm also criticizing their schooling and parenting skills, which I'm not.
ReplyDeleteOn the other side, sometimes when I do feel tired and need some support, I feel attacked by the other (non-homeschooling moms) with comments saying, "Well, it's your choice. It's because you're homeschooling," or "Well, if you just stop homeschooling..."
Yes, homeschooling is not an easy road, especially in the Asian circle. I think it's part of the Asian culture to be so involved and opinionated in each others' lives. My parents used to get a lot of unsolicited advice and opinions on a variety of subjects...from people they hardly knew (and they'd get into heated arguments about it too) in subjects and areas that in the US you would consider none of their business. But they make it their business. :p
Dear Alice, you're absolutely right it is an Asian thing. Here in HK, the Caucasian homeschool moms tend not to experience such pressures. It seems that the Chinese know implicitly to only apply their standards to their own kind.
ReplyDeletePeople are threatened by what they don't completely understand and they feel challenged when someone does something more. Homeschooling can seem like exactly that. It feels like the parents are saying "I'm going to do more for my kids than you who send your kids to school". We live in a world where comparison is a major tool of the Enemy and he wields it well.
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