There's a Time to Call It Quits

I just walked back from the bus stop, a frequent path I traverse everyday. But today was different. I walked home, having just dropped off an application for high school admission for Poly.

It was not an easy decision, letting go, that is. To have all these plans and dreams about those high school years with my son: reading Kafka together, talking about Communism Manifesto, discussing world views... Someone said that high school years are the best years in a home school, when you can truly enjoy the acquisition and application of knowledge, when your child, now fully equipped with the basics, is ready to take off with whatever direction you give him. Yet, deep in my heart, I know there are many reasons why our homeschooling journey (at least for Poly) is almost at an end.

Maybe I am overly sentimental. I get teary-eyed just thinking about this, the end of an era in our home: cuddling together on the sofa for our morning Bible reading and prayers, reading of poetry and a good novel, the two brothers together all the time and loving each other's company, sharing of house chores, traveling and going on field trips whenever we like.

Nevertheless, God has prepared me for this day for many months. Even before we moved to Hong Kong, I knew there is a chance I won't be able to homeschool out here. Having searched around for more than a month for other homeschoolers with older children, I've concluded that there simply aren't any, and that if we were to persist in this path, we would be all alone. Over many hours of sleepless nights, having struggled with indignance, anguish, and anger, we have finally come to grips with the reality that sending him to a private international school would be the best path for him.

A tour of the school campus got Poly excited about the prospect. He is beginning to look forward to going to school and meeting other kids his age, while I, the mother, still has some way to go. Letting go is harder than I thought. For this, I find comfort in Ecclesiastes. I believe there is a time to take up the challenge, and there is a time to let go. Sending him to school is an act of trust, as much as taking him out of school. I need to trust that, apart from me, his faith will continue to flourish, and he will continue to grow and develop into a bright, responsible, and well-educated young man. I need to trust that God can do it on His own, without my help. In the long run, I think, I will be grateful and relieved that this burden is off my shoulder.