Time for a reality check

Today I did something momentous. I have decided to research methods to teach a dyslexic child.

I guess I have known that Chee-Chee has dyslexic symptoms for a long time. Just why it is I have not done anything about it, I don't know. Perhaps I felt that somehow he will figure out the coping mechanisms as he matures, as my husband has done. Perhaps I wanted so much for our lives to be normal and was afraid of what impact the drastic overhaul might have on Chee. Perhaps I was too proud to seek help from experts. After all, I should know how to teach my children best. Right?

Imagine you've sailed on for months or years, and land is nowhere in sight. There's a gnawing sensation in your stomach telling you somewhere along the line you've missed your target and you're way off course by several thousand miles. Well, do you plod on or do you do an about-face and wipe out all your "progress" and start over?

We've been on the same routine this entire year. Every time I check in with Chee-Chee, I need to suppress an urge to scream and cry and throw books. Today, instead of shutting myself in a room or giving up, I sat in front of my computer and did some research. I ordered books on dyslexia from the library. I have finally accepted and welcomed the reality that teaching a dyslexic child is a challenge I cannot take on alone in my isolated corner. I need help understanding how my son thinks and how he sees things. (My husband tries to describe his visual and intellectual disconnect; I cannot relate to it. Not having been there, it is hard for me to imagine such a world and how one copes with it.)

Sometimes even a captain has to apologize to his crew and admit he's made a tactical mistake. Well, better sooner than later. I can't wait for my books to come in.